existence
by pianist9beauty2
Summary: Obviously someone has died today and the only thing everyone else could do is try and guess who? AU,ooc,past Jace/Alec


Quick authors note: I'd like you to know that at a young age all I've known is about death and how truthful it is. Without this I wouldn't be able to know how to write the darkness in this story. It was raining, everything was lost in the abyss; the only thing that could be heard was the raindrops falling against the pavement and murmurs of the people passing by. Leaning against a grave stone was a boy not older than seventeen years old with dark black hair, a wiry build, and blue eyes. He didn't look particularly cheerful yet you could hear a loud laugh. As if someone had just told a stunningly funny joke. He showed no sign of leaving, but also somehow you could tell all he wanted to do was run away. Obviously someone has died today and the only thing everyone else could do is try and guess who? As he got up to leave, which you could tell he was debating against, he gave a sad smile and said his goodbyes to the one person he never wanted to disappoint. Present tense (three years later) "Yes, mother I'm fine I told you that it's about time that I would move out of that house." Alec answered, trying to get his mother to calm her nerves. "Yes alexander, I've heard this for the millionth time. I just can't help but worry about my eldest son, especially since what happened to max...last month. How was I supposed to know that kids at school were bulling him? He never told me or anyone else I think. Did he tell you? Good things are okay now though. He has friends that come over; all they ever do is talk about those anime things." "Mom did it ever occur to you that I just want some peace or quietness to find myself. Plus you can't blame yourself for what happened to max, how were any of us supposed to know how he was being treated? It happened; mom all you can do now is to prevent it from possibly happening again." "Fine I will stop calling you as frequently as I do, but still once a week I expect a call from you Alec." "Okay mother but also expect my phone bill in the mail box once a month." "Hmm I think I can manage that." "Goodbye, mother talk to you later." "Wait Alec–" Alec let go of his phone with relief although he'll never hear the end of it later. For now there was peace and quiet. Somehow he found himself dosing off into sleep on the couch. He'd just moved in and his bed had yet to arrive, after all he was expecting it to get to his apartment in two days. He felt thankful that his mother let him have the couch, so familiar and fluffy. With this he finally let himself go and entered a recurring dream, in which he always found way too realistic. It was always the same. There were flashes of light and he couldn't see a thing or make out any figures in the shadows. Yet there was always an unfamiliar voice telling him to wait patiently and to calm down. It would never work all he could do is panic even more and then it would happen, he would wake up. The knocking on the door became worse and Alec had finally gotten of his trance like state; only to shiver because of his cold sweat. After getting up reluctantly he went to the door, it wasn't that far from the living room and had a hallway entrance. It was noon so it made sense being up at that hour, but he still hated the thought of getting up to open the door. Finally opening the door he saw that nothing has prepared him for this...reunion. Beyond the door was a male, around his age with golden blond hair, eyes that look gold in the light and long eyelashes... Jace Herondale. Someone he had not seen in years or maybe it just felt like years? "Jace...how did you?" he didn't really have to think that hard at guessing who'd have told Jace. "Your sister told me you were moving into the area and I thought why not drop by? After all I haven't seen you since ...I don't know maybe around two or three years. I feel great by the way." "Well, that was a lot to take in... come in I guess?" this all sounded about right... They walked into the room that Alec was just sleeping in "So what's your reason for ignoring me these past few years or are you going to avoid the topic...again?" "If you must know I was just uncertain about our... friendship." "That certainly covers things up nicely." "Okay, Jace what do you want? To what do I owe the pleasure of this visit?" "Alec I get it you don't want to talk about it, but at some point you'll have to." "I'm doing you a favor Jace I'm tired of you being the object of my affection. That's the first step and I finally can move on from whatever this is." "You're right." Alec flinched at the way it was said after all Jace had never sounded so dejected. He opened his mouth and decides it's about time he confronted part of his problems. "Honestly it's my fault. I let it get far and it really ruined our friendship. You were the only thing I could see and I thought maybe that it was love but it isn't or wasn't. I realize now that the only reason you were so important to me was because you were literally the only person outside of family that I wanted to keep close. So please just let me get a hold on my life and maybe then we could be friends or family or whatever." There was only silence until Jace sat down and let out a sigh that you could tell he was holding in. "At last we have finally made up and soon maybe I will be forgiven? Look we both decided to test the waters you weren't alone in this little escapade. It just happened in the wrong place at the wrong time. We are both at fault here." Alec then thought back as to what had happened that unfortunate day. There was no real happiness in that memory and it was obliviously not a big deal in till your count the actions of what happened afterwards. It all started with a kiss, a kiss that had him questioning everything. To many feelings he didn't understand but indeed had felt. Brought back by Jace making a weird shuffling noise, he looked up. Jace looked as he always did, confident and charming. Alec hated it; it was just too perfect for his taste...now. In the past it was so easy to look at Jace with adoring eyes and lose himself. He knows better now sadly. The silence continued Alec not really wanting to talk and Jace not having the heart to pressure him. After what felt like forever Jace decided to break the ice. "I'm... dating this girl. Her name is clary and... I love her. Her weird stubbornness, the way she cares about everyone and she gives me this smile that makes everything so much better. What I'm trying to say is that it took forever for me not to feel guilty of what had happened that day. Now things have changed and I think it's finally okay for me to be happy. I just don't want you to feel guilty forever." Jace looked so genuinely happy and content. "That's...good for you." He had no Idea what to say. He was happy for Jace to get over the stupid decision they made as teens. Yet he couldn't help but envy Jace and his new found happiness. Alec thought about his guilt. It made sense that Jace had understood his only regret after all this was their doing. Happiness is so different and foreign? He's okay with just being there. At this moment his judgment of living was now a gray area. Again he seemed to be distracted because an uncertain voice brought back his attention. "Um... so how've you been for the past few years? I mean I've heard things from Izzy, but nothing from your perspective. You know because of us not talking and stuff." "I've been good and don't expect anything else because I can hardly remember anything that happened today. Plus I would like to go back to taking my nap. So if you could kindly leave and or call at a different time that would be nice." "How would you know I have a way to contact you? When would it be a good time to come by?" "First of all Izzy would be more than happy to give you all of my contact info. Second of all that's your problem not mine. Now can you please leave I would like to go back to sleep." This is too much for me especially all in one day. "Fine I'll leave just be prepared for another visit. Next time I'll introduce you to clary!" "Good, now go I have sleep to catch up on." With that said Jace left the apartment complex. So there he was left alone... with his thoughts. Definitely not with any relief, after all this is a lot to process emotionally. With those last thoughts he found himself drifting off into sleep again. It was surprisingly easier to sleep this particular night. 


End file.
